This week I am watching others be so completely blind to patterns so big and obvious that have been ongoing for years…and in the watching I watch myself, with my own question…what am I not seeing that is super obvious to others?
It feels to me like I have recently broken out of one of my own blindspots after years of my inability to see. Life is a constant progression of waking up to ourselves and the perspectives we might hold.
You have to want to see. Americans for the most part do not want to see their collective blind spot about guns. The rest of the world watches and wonders how many people must die for this to become obvious, if it ever will?
The archetypal Game of Thrones, in Season 7, Episode 3, tells the story in almost complete parallel of Wall Street Capitalistic greed. We might see this and know it, yet what do we do? And the earnest but mostly unheeded endeavours of one man to get the seven kingdoms to focus on the real battle to the North instead of the political power plays and distractions that do swallow us all with its seeming importance.
Jon Snow: How do I convince people who don’t know me that an enemy they don’t believe in is coming to kill us all?
Tyrion Lannister: People’s minds aren’t made for problems that large. It’s almost a relief to confront a comfortable familiar monster, like my sister.
You have to want to see. Some of what we do not want to see is our own vulnerability and shame. When I realised this many years ago, and made a decision to walk the earth lightly…as in NOT carry around the darkness of shame and guilt, and to become invulnerable by being vulnerable…aka..when I have nothing to hide, no one can attack me…I set upon a deep dive following all the trails of shame, guilt and humiliation. These were my secret storehouses of ickiness. Those places I protected at ALL costs. How might I bring light to these places of darkness so that no one might harm me here?
In my younger years it was my body. Body shame. Not any more. Naked is comfortable. That took years of invested effort to untangle the stranglehold on my psyche.
I hated feeling stupid. Being shamed for not ‘getting it!” By cultivating a profound love of curiosity…where I care more about understanding than being smart…this too was killed on the alter of shaming spaces.
Then it was money. Finances. And some story about how smart people knew how to make/handle/care for money, so I must not be smart, as I hadn’t managed my money well. Did I have to go to the depths of this little monster! Right down into the murky shadows of our current human obsession with wealth as a measure of worth. Deep into the weeds of the history of money, our economy, the way the system works, the game we are all in, like it or not.
How do you feel about bringing out all your financial statements, you spending history, your money story and placing them all in public, for all the world to see? Would you do this without any shame? Or does the shame own you? Are you really ok with full disclosure? Few people I know are really free of this one.
In the end my choices came down to one overwhelming desire.
I want to be the sovereign (at liberty/free) in my life. Not ruled by my shame. Nor by my guilt. Nor my unworthiness. And because this has been my biggest motivation, I am up for it all. Hard core truth from people who love me enough to nail me to a cross of my own self deceit, or my own blindness. Give me that, straight up, any day…than the sugar coated nicety that smooths a fractured ego and yet maintains a status quo.
There is a sweetness that comes with age if you do it right…its called no more BS. The clock, we get, sometime past 50, is seriously ticking. Death is not something that happens to others. Death is far closer than we ever imagined. And in that ticking clock, the time to sugar coat, pander to others or self, simply becomes unacceptable.
In a world gone mad on PC BS, the taste of truth, direct and unencumbered, is quite delicious, even if harsh.
This to me is freedom. To truly know what I am here to do, to get on with it, to be open to powerful, sometimes harsh feedback from those fellows who are in the arena playing hard at their own life work, to be willing to make mistakes, to be not afraid of either the mistake or the feedback…to forge ahead determined, resolute and always with time to tune into the larger pattern integrity of the flow of truth that is a constant murmur for every single one of us. (And will become a loud and very painful clang if we do not pay due heed.)
I am listening. There is too much in my field that evidences that we are all being blindsided by something significant.
Thanks so deeply to the truth tellers. Those brave Jon Snow’s and Cassandra’s who weather the storms of ridicule and harsh criticism, often for decades, to an audience who chooses not to listen. I know many of these people, and the price they pay. In my own way I am one of them.
2:23AM Integrity is the Essence
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