It happens to us all, for no particular reason. We wake up and everything feels dark. Pointless. Hopeless.
How will I ever…?
Is this really possible?
Can I pull this off?
Will someone discover that I have no idea what I am doing?
What am I thinking?
I find myself here today. Everything feels too big, too urgent, too impossible.
Of course it is right at this moment that I get to explore my own emotional and spiritual maturity. My own resilience. My own resourcefulness. My own commitment.
Without question having very definite habits in place are helpful. I have been for my run. Automatic. I am writing this blog. Automatic. No argument.
It might then be helpful for me to tune into the subterranean stories that have been washing around in my brain that have pulled me down. The usual ones. Not good enough, don’t know how, need help…who am I. Occasionally in all that swill is something really worth paying attention to.
A long time ago I did a perfect bungy jump. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Bungy! – arms spread, leaping off the platform. I had watched people go up to the platform from below for about half an hour before I decided hell yes to doing the same. I had watched as people had their legs tied up at the back of the platform, and then almost in every case, hesitated when they were to jump. Sometimes for 20 minutes or more. Many times they came back down without jumping. The fear would have been pretty much the same for all….and it in the end it was just a story screaming loudly in their head. I decided that if I was going up on that platform then I would not listen to the screaming story. I would jump at the first bungy. Whether I wanted to or not. Or not get up on the platform in the first place. So that is what I did. The screaming did not stop until after the first bounce…when the sheer exhilaration took over.
This is where I find myself today. There is a whole lot of stories screaming in my head. They are probably not true. They are old stories, way passed their use by date. Am I going to let them hijack my day today. NO way.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Bungy. Keep moving and do the hard stuff anyway.
2:23AM Integrity is the Essence
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