I am learning also to trust life. To trust in the perfection of the imperfect. The greatness of the horrible. The soaring majesty of deep emotional pain. I am far from being fully trusting, and yet I am much further to trusting than ever before.
I am discovering freedom. Not the stuff you read about in books on financial freedom, but freedom of the spirit. The place where ‘attachment to’ is released to the extent that nothing and everything are equally perfect, where giving it all up and being reduced to zero, be that metaphorically or physically, is the most authentic liberation.
I am learning to love the present. No matter what colour or style it is, no matter if I am winning or losing, in the depths of adversity, or the heights of ecstasy. To accept it all, and live in gratitude for the everything.
The path to this place has been the hardest I have walked. These last few months, in particular, have tested by desire to keep moving and stay upright.
On many occasions I have appealed to the heavens…why have you forsaken me? It was only when a friend asked me if I had listened to the answer to that question that I realised I had not. My question was directed in despair and anger, as an act of defiance, rather than a seeking for the answer. When I finally did pause to listen to the answer I got something like this..
You need to be reduced to nothing so the new can be born.
While it may be painful, can you at the same time experience the importance of this? The death rebirth cycle enacted while still living? How many times do we go through it in a lifetime?
Is it not the cycle in all of nature, the autumn to winter, to spring..and then summer? What feels like lack in winter is simply natures way of cleaning out for the new.
The spring is coming, from the darkness comes light, from death rebirth. It is the way eternal.
If you are in the dark of winter, if you cannot see light, if your heart aches with despair, if all feels lost, then remember the daffodils. If they were always blooming their beauty would diminish in our eyes.