Finding the Feminine

My mother, the wonderful spiritual astrologer, Ashtara, is usually the person I call when the Universe seems to be heckling my spirit.

Friday last week I woke feeling very trapped. For the last 16 years I have allowed myself to fall down the very icky rabbit hole of debt. In the last 4 years I have been cleaning up my relationship to money. I only pay cash, I only spend what I have, I pay my bills when they come in, and I spend very little on anything but the essentials. I keep a record of income, money owed to me, and my debt payments. I keep a relationship with my debtors. As I am self employed, my monthly income is not fixed. When there is little money, I don’t get paid. While I have been reforming my money habits on the exterior, I have also been working to learn the greater money system, which is a very complex subject.

Of late my income has dipped precipitously. Intuitively I feel like I am being pushed (shoved) into my next iteration. However I am in the corridor between the door that is closing and the one that hasn’t yet fully opened. It is at time, quite scary. I wobble between huge bursts of activity, the feeling of being trapped, and a sense that I must STOP. Stop? Stop? How can I stop. I have to work to emerge through emergency. I must do, and do and do some more.

When I called my favourite astrologer last week, I said to her …I feel trapped. I can’t move, I can’t breath.

We talked.  She said it was time for me to do the work on the balancing of my masculine and feminine. I have strong masculine energy. Doing, and action, and driving is my default pattern.

I need to find the feminine. Trouble is, I am not sure how to. A friend said bubble baths. Ughh!!! Or a pedicure. Another ughh!. Aware that taking the time for one of these events is not the long term answer, I am really at a loss. How do I cultivate the feminine as a full time way of being, instead of just a short term exercise?

After years of being on my own, building a career, managing parenting, I am completely out of touch with the feminine side. My idea of luxury is reading a Vogue magazine for 20 minutes in the evening over dinner while watching world news. Or a Sunday on the couch after a long run lost in a good book. Mind you, I do this rarely.

I need help. I need your advise? How do I bring the feminine into my life?

2:23AM Integrity is the Essence


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21 Comments on “Finding the Feminine”

  1. Hi Christine,

    I love your authenticity, love how you share your journey with candor, many thanks for this.

    Regarding your question, I’m not an expert on the area, I thought that came to mind and it was the exploration of Yoga, particularly practices to open the heart center. I’m not versed in Yoga either, just sharing what came to mind.

    Best wishes with this new project of finding the femenine.


  2. Don’t uhh the bubble baths too quickly.
    I have 4 or 5 spa baths at home each week. This is a ritual with candels, music, or meditation CDs with phones off etc. The robe is on the bed, the towels are by the spa and I carefully choose what essential oils I need for the day. This is my time to focus on my healing, my needs, my sheer enjoyment of being me or just being. This is a discipline that has improved my health and self knowledge and awareness enormously. This is MY time when I am only available for ME, and my feminine self.

  3. and
    Fantastic set of podcasts all about the feminine by the best thinkers on this topic – go to – you have to create an account but there are no catches – just means you’ll get notice when new podcasts are posted. I’ve sooo much out of listening to this set of podcasts. They also have an FB group and twitter account with lots of good discussion on the topic of the emerging feminine and how important this is for the well-being of us all and the planet. Let me know what you think (Barbara Marx Hubbard is pretty awesome on the topic). Enjoy. Claire

    1. HI Claire,

      thanks for this…have been downloading the calls from the beginning, and yes Barbara Marx Hubbard is a living legend for women.



  4. Hi Christine,

    I would love to catch up next time you’re in town. Sometimes I find myself thinking or speaking about something and then I get your blog and it’s almost the exact same words, we seem to have many similar experiences or learnings being presented to us to explore right now. I’m absolutely certain we’re not alone.

    Anyway with regards to finding the feminine, I’m not sure if Laurent has mentioned this to you but the Women on the edge of evolution free podcast series is truly amazing, there’s literally thousands of women around the world linked into these calls now. It includes women like Barbara Marx Hubbard, Jean Houston, Marianne Williamson, the list goes on. I listen to them daily and they are really helping me to explore my inner truth and my feminine power. Here’s the link

    Until we meet, travel well.


    1. Hi Sam,

      would love to catch up and redeem myself after our first meeting. Not sure when I am next down but will let you know. I think I was the one who told Laurent about women on the edge of evolution. I listen to audio all the time in my car. Love them all.

      Blessings to you,


  5. Hi Christine,
    If you haven’t already read it, Jean Shinoda Bolen (Jungian analyst) has a book called ‘Godesses In Every Woman’. You may pull some useful gems from it.

    Also know of a Psychosynthesis exercise you may find useful, don’t want to explain it in this short reply, but feel free to drop me an email and we could arrange a call to talk you through it.

    Kind regards,


    PS Enjoyed your Spiral Dynamics workshop in AK years ago:-)

  6. HI Christine,
    Have put some more thought into your writings this week so disregard my previous blog. After reading your newsletter and blog this morning, as I always do, and was amused by some parts (pedicures and bubble baths I love) and am compassionate for finding you feminine side. When so much strength is required daily working in business, raising children and being responsible for self I can understand when you just need to feel soft. Fortunately one of my very closest and eccentric friends is what you might call a “white witch”, being around her and her witchy passé is not only amusing but very powerful in regards to feminine bonding and awareness.

    I have the following recommendations:
    Read the book “The Red Tent”
    Go Latino Dancing – This can fulfil your need for constant movement and help you move your lady lumps “New York Ballroom” Mermaid Beach next to the Loan Star restaurant is recommended
    And although maybe a little intimate – moisturise yourself with your eyes closed feeling your curves (some have more than others)

    Hope one of these may help, so that I may possible give just a little fraction back to you.

    1. HI Tara,

      of course I didn’t read this until I had commented on the other. 🙂

      I have read Red Tent. Will look at it again. Did do latin dancing for several years, will consider again. And yes, need to do more of that other stuff.

      Will keep you posted..

      warmly, Christine

  7. When you find it please let me know, as I would like the balance between masculine and feminine. Or maybe it’s just as simple as “IT IS SAFE TO BE WHO I AM!” and we don’t need to search. 🙂

    1. Hi Donna,

      I will let you know. I do know that I need to find something that is missing, which includes who I am but is more fully expressed.

      Will keep you posted.


  8. Hi Christine,

    Here’s some ideas (albeit from a ‘bloke’):

    Regarding the feminine vs masculine perspective, the traditional interpretation of this seems too simplistic & potentially limiting for you. Hence this is why you’re struggling with it. So I’d suggest exploring a slightly different approach.

    Two observations from what you wrote:
    i) You’re very outcome focused. You’re strongly a doer and have been for years. It’s part of who you are and you do it well. You drive and drive hard.
    ii) You’re understandably having strong emotional reactions to your current situation.

    Like everyone else, your emotional reactions will be strongly influenced by how you view your current situation & how you interpret it. Given you’re a Doer, it would be natural to fix it! (which is of course a typically ‘masculine’ approach). However, also vitally important is how you view & interpret your situation; especially those things that you can’t change / fix.

    So… perhaps it’s not that you need to do more ‘feminine’ things. Consider instead devoting more time & energy into activities that you find are deeply enjoyable, reflective, relaxing, meditative but NOT outcome-focused. They don’t have to be considered ‘feminine’ activities. Activities that get you in ‘flow’ without having to care at all about the outcome. Enjoyable activities that don’t have a win/lose outcome and are not about tangible results. For example: creative activities like learning a musical instrument, painting, singing, flower arranging, hobbies, bonsai, martial arts, conversation with friends, some non-competitive sports, etc, etc. The list is endless. The only limitations are you must enjoy it and NOT allow the activity to become results focused.

    And just perhaps through practicing this activity, you will incidentally have insights / realizations / paradigms-shifts that bring light to your situation without you having to figure out how to ‘fix it’.

    See you Tuesday,

    1. Hi Steve,

      love it…its is what I feel I need to do. Last week I went and sat on the beach and did nothing except sit. Did that for about 45 mins.

      Look forward to seeing you next week,



  9. So many of us seem to be doers, people of action, solution finders. We can be counted on to take action. I am one of those, and often feel a little the same, too strong and reliable to take the time to be soft and feminine.

    I changed my aspiration of behaving in a more feminine manner as I realised it just was not at my true centre. My goal became “to find grace”…. and I’m still working on trying to behave more gracefully. Both physically and mentally.

    Like yourself, I love power sports and thrive in the outdoors. My yoga teacher Gabi soon taught me that the power sports were not enough. I needed the core strength and inner strength that yoga creates. Gabi talks to me about “moving like a tiger” – with silence, grace, elegance, lightness and power.

    It can’t all be about yoga, so some simple cat like behaviour helps me – stretching like a cat, sleeping in the sun, “cat-napping” walking slowly……. gracefully.

    Back to Grace – it’s not easy, but I’m grabbing some moments in between the headlong assault on life that seems to be more natural!

    1. Hi Karen,

      love what you are doing. Very inspirational. Thanks for sharing, I will take these ideas into consideration,



  10. Pingback: In my vulnerability I become invulnerable « Christine McDougall's Blog – Guinea Pig C

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