The Art of Holding – essential to the emergence of anything worth loving – an enterprise, a marriage, a lover, a friend

There is an art and skill that is rarely accounted for when applying our regular metrics of measurement.

That is the art of HOLDING. I was considering the act of holding early this morning. Holding is natural part of a mothers biology. (Which doesn’t mean all mothers know how to hold, or men do not have skill in this area.) We hold the presence of a child in our womb. Research has shown that what pregnant women eat, their adequacies of rest, stress relief, affirming life conditions, all have an effect on the development of the child in utero.

When we built the first Big Blue Sky event in 2015, an enormous part of my job was holding. Holding space for the immanent birth of this project. I realised the week after the event that I was exhausted, not from the usual things, but from the ability to relax after 6 months of holding. Like letting out my held breath.

While Holding might sound like a passive act, it is indeed both passive and active. It is the dynamic equilibrium of being and doing. Of listening and acting. It has as its core structural dynamics, polarity.

The act of Holding creates a field, and in that field all of the properties required for the emergence of what is being birthed will assemble, if our holding has a purity to it and is connected to the larger schema of the emergence of Universe. Holding never occurs in isolation. We are always connected to the larger field as we hold the field we are stewarding.

I was reflecting this morning when I think about this year so far….how it has felt like I jumped out of the start gate on January 1, but all the fellow actors in the play I am holding are only just awakening from their summer slumber…and the level of frustration I have felt trying to herd these amazing cool cats. One big step forward, two little steps back. Repeat. (Teeth gnashing moments.)

And then it occurred to me that I needed to connect to my ability to HOLD. To have the pattern of holding be the biggest force present for me at this moment in time. To allow my fellow players to have their own rhythm, to not force, or coerce, but instead to create a field that attracts. To clean the periphery on the field being held, strengthen its boundaries, ensure that no unsavoury energies have crept in, including my own shadow patterns. (Like control, fear, scarcity, demand..) To align the purpose of the project with the field being held. This is what I could do while I wait for my fellow players to exercise their own sovereignty on their timing and process.

As Bucky Fuller would say, Nature has its own gestation. Try rushing the gestation of a child? We now have the technology to support a premature baby…but we prefer to not have this happen. A mother learns to be patient in the gestation.

Sometimes our role as steward is to HOLD. To not push. But at the same time to not do NO THING. For holding is still an act.

And I realise as I write this that holding also has layers. I can hold the project I am birthing, and this can be held in the larger field of my community, which is held in the larger field of the evolution of humanity.

And at some point, if we are connected to Source, we are being held. No matter how skilled or aware we are at holding.

When I consider my spiritual exhaustion of the last few days, I recognise that I need to relax in the act of being held. By all the visible and invisible energies holding me on my path. That the deeply conditioned story of my SOLO journey, battling the odds, disqualifies a whole host of support. How about I let that support in, and be held in the process. Now there is a radical act.

Ultimately it returns again to being One. To not being separate. To the illusion that I am alone.

For many of us stoics, being held, whether by our friends and family, or by the invisible world that seeks to support us on our path, is akin to being asked to spend a life doing absolutely nothing.

Today I am drinking from this well. I am both allowing myself to be held, and doing the work of aligning and purifying what I am holding. Removing my agenda, my desire to control, my process, my requirement for things to occur in a certain time. Plus I am cleaning out other unwanted foreign energies from this field. Those who seek to diminish and destroy what we are holding. Those who have thrown me on the scarp heap of unqualified.

And in the process, I am relaxing into the knowing that all is well. Kairos time is at play.  The Field is consummately creative and alive. I am held. We are held. The project is held.

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