For the second time in 7 weeks I found myself face down in the dirt. Tripped up, again, on my run. The first time with a broken arm, this time, a lesser injury…
As I lay there this second time my mind took me to these questions…
Again? What am I not paying attention to that again I am tripped up. Fallen? In the dirt? Hurt? Where is my thinking and action that after years of running without falling I have fallen twice in a matter of weeks? What do I need to pay attention to? What is the conversation I am not having that is calling me?
And the metaphor…running, tripping, falling, broken, in the dirt? Face to face with Earth?
Perhaps I am, in haste, stepping over the most amazing miracle of existence. Our Earth and its ever present glory. Perhaps I am striving so hard on BIG issues, and missing the small acts. Perhaps it is a simple as a request to slow down. To give up the urgency, the heroic act of carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
There is a truth to all of these answers that settle in my bones. A truth to considering my Soul fatigue from striving so hard for so long to hold the space for human transformation.
There is also a truth to consider that this is a solo effort. It never was, never is, never will be a solo effort. A whole world of seen and unseen are here to support those of us who have dedicated their lives to serving the well being of humanity.
Perhaps it was time to have my face rubbed into the Earth, to get this truth. Earth is working with me. Earth and her armies of ants, rocks, stone and dirt.
What comes to mind is the song, from Ecclesiastes 3, to everything there is a season. A time to every purpose under heaven.
And the time now is to not push, not strive, not argue with…but instead to yield, be patient, hold the space/shape, be still, be silent. Pause. Be rich with gestation. Be ripe.
I am also aware that I need to pay attention to what is not working…to where I am repeatedly doing the same thing over and again expecting a different result. For to find ones self in the same position face down in the dirt, one quickly realises that something is not working…something must be attended to. Change is being called forth. But change from what to what?
To sink deep below the noise of daily existence, the push and pull of a thousand things to do….to go to that still place where wisdom lies..and ask the question…
What is the courageous conversation I am not having?