Why do we reject robust conversations?
I was born with passion. I was born a fighter. All 5’1″ of me. It was me who defended my big brother against bullies. It was me who my family sent in to placate an unhappy father.
I like this about me. The passion. The fierce. The unable to be silenced. I like that I am not afraid of anger. Of rage.
Sure I have learned much from my anger. I have learned much about not projecting it on others, as any form of projection, be that rage, judgement, expectation, overt or covert, is not healthy. I am not perfect at this, by a long shot…but much better…
To speak into what needs to be spoken, and in so doing create tension in dialogue and conversation, this is so often seen as unhealthy in our society…and it is this I call into question.
Referencing my teacher of 27 years, R.Buckminster Fuller, he wrote about tension and compression. That for any system to exist it needs both. He modeled this in a tensegrity structure. Tension must be designed into a system from the start.
Show me where in organisations and relationships we do this? How easy is it to name dissonance and disagreement as bad/wrong? How easy is it for us to avoid these robust and real conversations?How ill equipped are we to stay in our bodies when emotions are flying around the room?
Life is messy. Life is raw. Communication often lands with heat. Let us applaud that. Let us create spaces where we can speak with passion, with energy, with emotion…the wild and heated as well as the heartfelt and teary…let it be OK for us to fight with fierceness for what we believe, as well as fall into a puddle of tears, to be fully human.
Please don’t create organisations of vanilla…beige…bland…where everyone smiles politely and koo’s pleasantries all day…while underneath is a volcano or heartache….these are not real…real humanity is messy.Tension must be designed into the system from the start. If you find this difficult, get some coaching. It is probably your pain/fear/discomfort that if addressed, will free you to sit in a sea of chaos and raw emotion without losing your power.
Here is to the wild ones…the passionate…the outspoken…the fierce…they too offer value to the world that can never be silenced.