Yesterday I wrote about the obstacle being the way, a principle of stoicism.
Given our brand of 2.23AM, I purposefully take obstacles to bed with me, not to gnaw over, but to put into the deep places of sleep…the sleep sorting room. In this sleep sorting room rough unnecessary edges are removed, the noise of emotional energy settles and vision is restored.
Given my current obstacle feels pretty big, the tendency is to focus on the obstacle itself. Mt Everest is blocking my path, so all I see is Mt Everest. And if the obstacle is particularly big, quality sleep might be challenged by the emotional rollercoaster.
As I was aware of these competing tensions…looming Mt Everest and the emotional fracturing…something else occurred to me.
Instead of seeing Mt Everest, how about connecting with my deepest desires around this obstacle? Sink deep into my desire…more deeply than I have gone before. What is it I desire most about this particular obstacle?
I am not talking about a superficial desire to eat chocolate, or watch mindless TV. Desire comes from the heart and soul. Many times we have blocked access to desire. We have been hurt, foiled, ridiculed in our attempts to express our deepest desire.
When I accessed my desire around this particular obstacle, what arose was the desire to invite people to participate in a way that was deeply honouring of them. I wanted people to feel they were contributing to something greater than themselves. That their risk of involvement was mitigated. That the value they gained in return was far far greater than their contribution. This felt very right to me.
In the process of accessing my desire, things settled down, the frenetic energetic discharge shifted…my heart rate and breathing slowed. I was aware of myself sinking into a space where all things were indeed possible.
I knew of course that if I really trusted myself I would have gone to the quiet place days ago…that the jitters of kinetic energy were blocking access to flow, connectivity and provisioning.
And that is it…we usually know what we really need to do next…in my case, stop, get myself grounded and connected, breath, meditate…but we push that knowing to the side…focusing instead on Mt Everest.
What is it you most deeply desire around a particular obstacle or issue? And if you really trusted yourself, what would you do?
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