Interesting thing happened in this little time of change. I have seen more of myself, which is the point really.
I need to up my own integrity, which is no surprise…if I choose integrity as my platform, then it will be where I am most challenged.
Specifically, to do what I say. Or don’t say it. To the minutia. Big stuff like making appointments on time..this is easy. But its the little agreements with myself I am making that need a new level of rigor. It lives in language, and the language is precise. It needs to be precise. When I am working with clients on their people skills as a leader, I teach a level of precision in communication that leaves no room for error, assumption, or misunderstanding. There is a time and a place for this level of precision in our own personal interior comms. “I will do this. I won’t do that. I may do this. I would like to do that but I won’t.” To tell the truth about what is true. To not do so is self deception, and we are all masters at self deception in some way.
Its time for me to do some self deception house work. To up the anti on my own little games.
In this process of commitment to vows, I am also moving from a kind of ‘poor me’ disposition, which I suspect has been sneaking in to my space over the last few years, so subtly that I have not really seen it, to a place of simply being grateful every moment, even if I don’t like the moment. Now this is a practice worth practicing. Its not the denial of the emotion, or the experience, but the recognition in the moment that I can choose how I respond. Does my energy become heavy and stinky/sucky, like a black hole, (which is the direction I sense it has been heading) or do I observe the emotion/experience, and recognise that it is not true, and refer back to what is true about who I am.
Reading a piece by Caroline Myss yesterday, she quotes. Darkness is not despair or a punishment but an invitation to withdraw from thoughts, ideas, beliefs and inner patterns that are dead in me.
Finally in this last 24 hours of self reflection, I have observed that my own voice is not very strong. When we see a great performer on stage what makes them great is that you know they have left nothing of themselves behind. They took a huge risk and brought their whole selves to the performance. This is what gets us off our feet. It doesn’t even matter so much how perfect their voice is, or if they made a mistake. It’s that they gave their all. Every last ounce.
And the audience is wanting them to do this. Willing them. We want to get on our feet. We want the goosebumps.
So in closing this little epistle, this is my question. Are you bringing your whole self to your work/your art/your life?
And if not, why not?